Normally I tend to avoid conflicts or I look for ways to understand why that person is aggressive in tone and actions before I respond. However, when it comes to my ex-husband I am the opposite. I will be on the defense with him at all times. We argue like cats and dogs, I have tried many avenues of ignoring to using positive communication with him, but it just does not work. He is very demanding, insensitive, controlling, and uses foul language in a conversation. I hope that with the tactics I have learned in this course about non-violent communication will help as we continue to see and talk to each other. I tried using the win/win approach with him today. We were talking on the phone about our children and he kept asking me question after question about them to the point I just said, “Have you talked to them today?” He responded, “No.” Then I said, “I am sure they can answer all your questions, if you give them a call because I do not seem to have the answers you are looking for.” That is the first conversation in years that we agreed and hung up without being frustrated with each other. Therefore, I was able to use the cooperative strategy to get him to stop questioning me instead of using verbal aggression.
After being married to him for 28 years and now that we are divorce, he is still in the picture due to the children and grandchildren it is very hard to ignore his tone and aggressiveness. However, with the Holidays being here and knowledge from this class I am sure I can get through this with using the win/win approach and the cooperative strategy.
If anyone has any suggestions on how I can make it through this holiday in peace with my ex-husband? Please share them. Thank you
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